Losing Our Heads

One critical growth spurt in evolutionary learning comes when we stop assigning blame outside us for the way we are feeling inside. This is never an easy step to make as all the hurts and slights and resentments and traumas of the ages argue for the separate self and its agenda. From the viewpoint of the separate self, assigning blame is part of its survival. My separate identity depends on knowing who is outside of me behaving as friend, (basically supporting my sense of my own identity,) and who is outside behaving as foe (basically not supporting my sense of my own identity). 

Dropping notions of blame does not mean we lose our discernment around what is happening, what decisions to make, who to listen to in confusing times, or what to avoid due to its non-life affirming vibration. It just means we stop telling stories about it. We stop spinning yarns inside our heads, building cases that support whatever identity we are currently holding onto. 

To not be fused with the separate identity doesn't mean we all of a sudden lose our minds. Though perhaps it does feel a bit like walking around without a head. None of our thoughts about other people or ourselves are “attached” in quite the same way. They are all somewhat random, disconnected fizzles of weirdness pertaining to nothing relevant. 

The ironic thing is that the more we lose our heads in this more mystical sense, the more embodied we stand to become. With no thoughts about the body standing in the way, the body's reality shines forth. The body still experiences anger, joy, desire, hunger, connection, fulfillment. None of these arisings are problematic. Relationally we begin accepting people for exactly as they present in the moment, no expectations, no fancy dance. Just loving presence.